words can never describe how i feel right now...im so blessed and im running out of words to say to God how grateful i am..its been a great stay here...and im so afraid of letting go of this moment..the air is full of love..for every hugs and kisses by people who always make me smile will hold me in tears...

and all that i hope for and all that i can give back is my unfailing prayers..to keep those souls protected and blessed...

and also for the unforgettable moment by the window and the chili cheese fries on the table...=)

there was this one day i read in a news paper about an sms sent by "bapa prihatin" which says "ibu bapa sanggup menangis bila anak gagal menjadi penyanyi..tapi ibu bapa tidak menangis bila anak-anak tidak berminat dengan pelajaran"..true...

my house is just near kompleks pendidikan..and every day when im on my way to work at about 820 am..i can see many school boys who are supposed to be in school..loafing around...doing things they shouldn't be doing...and my wonderful morning got ruined by this unwanted phenomena...and now im working on geting a hotline police number--trying to help those who seem to forget their responsibility...sometimes it's sad to see our youngsters nowadays.. what the future is gonna be if this thing keeps on happening on and on..

same goes when i go to court..youngsters getting charged with crimes...and they still have the guts to drag along their parents...it's so frustrating..but this is reality...if only they know the value of life and how short this life is..and how eternal the next life would be...i guess things would be different...

to see youngsters in palestine seems intriguiung..with a slight hope of getting what the own..they still fight for what they believe in...and indeed heaven is right there waiting to bless their souls..but in our country...things have been easy..but still..,many people still take things for granted..particularly when time is running out...

i sent a message to ellia last nite..and she replied.."kalkfad n uia takdapat dipisahan.."-hmm..5 years there have taught me a lot..particularly on frenship...

life sometimes is full of stagnancy..but it really is up to u how to go through it...when u look around u..there are many things for u to smile about..

but life has been a little different lately..choices nad decisions...sounds more serious than usual..but all i wanna do is smile..dont really have much time to burden my head thinking of these issues..

but life has been good to me for the past few months eventhough i might look stucked here in my hometown..kinda true though..but i enjoy being here coz work has been good too..to get to know many people in this practice really is helping me through my chambering...

but there's one undeniable fact..that im physically separated with my good buddies..but the thought that counts right..even my thoughts of them can make me smile when i was driving alone to work..people might think that i might have a little cuckoo in my head..whatever..

really missed my frens..ellia n our dream futsal team..i wish they're gona make it..last nite an old fren form me dic kuantan asked me to watch him play basketball..aiyakk..too bad man..they lost though..hehehe..n now..talking to kak wana..on what she's gona buy capin for his bday!!!

hmm..tomorrow is my the spm trial exam..that means i got to monitor my brother 24/7//after he had learned the unforgettable drama the other day when i found his report card..i flipped out and mom and abang firhat just kept quiet to see this amuk scene...i was so mad and i cried...my bro just sat in the sofa..no words spoken..and abg firhat said"mulai hari ni..kakcik in charge everything pasal studies adik..abang tak mau dengaq any word from kakcik complaning about u"..my bro cried..and cried..felt guilty..well thats good..and abg firhat made him promise us to strive for the exam...eventually..now ive become the unpaid tutor who has to sacrifice my tv session...he really is testing my patience..a real hard case when it comes to studies..but i can see a difference now...i wish him all the best!!!

Masirah

Suara duka angin Gazza

Gegar jantung bumi kita

Nyawa anak di hujung senjata

Tangisan bonda hanya sia-sia

Masirah anak al-durrah

Netzarim bermandi darahBegitu megah mata memandang dusta

Masirah dalam amarah

Hilang kalam kebenaranKudrat alam hanya menjadi rebutan

Berbaris-barislah ke satu arah

Jangan sampai berpisah menyusun langkah

Mencari-cari erti kedamaian

Di dalam jiwa tersirat jawapan

Masirah anak al-durrah

Netzarim lambang perjuanganKita menanti tangan pembelaan

Masirah dalam amarah

Hilang kalam kebenaran

Kudrat alam hanya menjadi rebutan

Masirah anak al-durrah

Netzarim lambang perjuangan

Kita menanti (kita menanti) tangan pembelaan

Masih menanti tangan pembelaan

(m nasir/s amin shahab)

there's only one thing that i cant bear or even look at..news on human massacre...particularly on muslims by the zionists(la'natullahi alaikum)..long and old same issue according to some..but the tears and the suffering of those fighting in the name of their religion can never explain to us what it really feels...small children are dying and i cant barely look at this one palestinian boy on the front page of yesterday;s mewspapaer..

is there anything that we can do..some say..No..some dont even bother to spend a sec to give this sad story a thought...be practical..there's nothing we can do..some say...there's always something we can do...at least a single sec in our prayer..

my mom asked me..the never ending calamity in indonesia..what was the real reason..muslims being slaughtered with no sense of humanity...i guess the answer is with us...maybe we are being too complacent with what we have right now..in a peceful country some would say...just because we are not being tested like what the indonesians..or the lebanese or the iraqis or the palestinians..does that give us the right to just to think of ourselves and not doing anything..because of this selfishness our muslim brothers are being tested with these unbearable devastating stories..because of our sins...

we should be grateful because God stll gives us the chance to rectify the mistakes we've been doing..but up until now..nothing seems to change...history taught a lot..RELIGION..is the only reason people around the globe live until today..to be civilised...i still remeber what Lord Denning used to say...he said that religion will always be the basis of the law...but now the trend seems to suggest otherwise..our naked eyes can see how persistent certain individuals..graduate of uia in particular..fighting for this orthodox secular sentiment of segregating religion and law...how people in the name of modernity put aside the religion..indeed it is condecsending and unacceptable..people tend to mix up what is clearly forbidden in religion with modernity..
and how ignorant statement is freely made without any knowledge in religion...and this is reality...and people commit sins publicly and yet they have the guts to tell people that actually they are from a religious institution..intolerable...

and one more thing i would like to add..this thing has been botlling up my chest for quite some time..the issue of hijab..or tudung...almost everywhere now islam is being misunderstood..badly..purposely and with massive ignorance..even worse when the muslims themselves get in the picture to insult the religion..its almost everywhere and one simple example is when i watched globe trekker when the host of this program visited saudi arabia and uae and what she commented on wearing hijab or tudung by our muslim women..she basically said "it was so sad that these women are deprived of their freedom by having to wear the tudung"-i gto so upset to come to notice this kind of perspective..when im wearing tudung i never feel deprived or restricted by my religion..and same goes to those who wear tudung...just for a simple reason..its a sign of obedience to God's order and this is the only way we show that we're committed to our religion..

So..its a sin then being committed to religion???just because we are not being exactly the same as the westerners, that means our religion is depriving us????indeed the historical fact on imperialisme that took place ages ago was and is always right coz the westerners with their"beban orang putih" sentiment would do almost anything so that the whole world could be just like them at the expense of Our religion???wake up people...its still the same story we're being taught to ponder upon...

im not saying that im the right person to talk about obedience in religion because me myself i admit that there are alot of things that i need to change..but the least that we could do when it comes to religion..is to preseve the sanctity of this value--tHE RELIGION--What u do in ur life indeed is between u and God but please in the name of humanity stop goofing around with religion because whatever that we do will be answerable before our own Creator...and no one can ever escape...

first of all i would like to say a million thanx to my frens for such lovely wishes..thanx..it really is gonna make me cry..come to realize that there are many people who are praying for me...thanx..and for those who sent their wishes after midnite..i' like to apologize if i ever sent a groggy reply..still semi conscious as i slept early last nite...

to ati..thanx for the song..hmm...tyanx for knowing me inside out..cant help myself but to cry for the song..=(..

life has been wonderful lately..nice colleagues at work..yesterday when i opened my drawer i was screaming coz i found many guitar chords for my favourite songs..thanx to my office mate for having to search for them in dusty boxes under the bed..ehehe..

and i cant help myself but to laugh at asma's and nad's wishes today...and to my brother's sms yesterday and today..my sms to him yesterday''keselamatan pengharian jadiaanmu..semoga berpanjangi keumuran.."and he replied"terimalah kasihmu kerana mengucapinyer!''

and today i got an sms from him"hey,selamatkan pengharian jadimu hari ini,mudah-mudahkan pemanjangikeumuranmu lah!" and i replied"penerimaan pengasih diatas berucapanmu itu!"..

...............=)

"...forgive...for in forgiveness lies serenity...."10/07/06

this e mail by sir iqbal really tickles me..and it exactly and precisely support what i really think about football...as football is not just a plain football match..it involves human values...right under our nose...


. . . in football, the rule is unambiguously clear: your job is simply to put the ball in the net (opponent's net obviously) that's it, khalass.

for that you have to have a good player. if you have one (or two or many, or in a case like m'sia: none at all) and he is fit, that player must play. if he is playing and the game styill progressing, he must stay till end, unless his continuance of play is extremely unavoidably impossible. that's it, khalass

. . who to decide ? of course the coach!!! one needs to be an extreme idiot or a complete lunatic to replace a formidable player at crucial moments when one gaol lead is to be retained and protected. and sadly, yesterday, Argentinian coach was one of them. you brought out requilme and crespo in favour of less respected players, its suicidal. and a terrible suicide it was!!!

from the very beginning, the game was hailed as requilme vs ballack. it went just as expected. it could easily go either way and it happened that the skillful argentinian was overshadowing the well structured volksgeist of the German.

you look at klinsmann, ballack was limping for the last twenty minutes or so. he even requested for substitution. klinsmann paid no attention to the plea. why? because he knew, he is the essence of the team. he need not be fit but he has to be on the field. to take him out means to put the moral of the rest in total mess. cruel it may look but that's basic in football.

that stupid coach called requilme out at the time when he looked like running for another two hours without stopping in no slight trouble. German equalised and pushed the next gear while Argentinian could offer no more meaningful resistant.

i never interested in any of the games at all after the Iranian defeat, but yesterdys night was an exception.

jangan lupa, bagun pagi pergi chambering.

see you

What a memorable weekend. I came down to KL last Thursday to file in my petition for chambering. I stayed at ati’s coz I made my promise to spend the weekend with her. On early Friday morning I went to Masjid Jame’ to get all the things done.kinda worried coz I barely knew the exact location of the places that I had to go..the high ct,commissioner for oath and the bar council…indeed God is always with me when I need Him the most..i happened to see farhana on my way out of the erl counter…but a few seconds after that I lost her..i decided to have my breakfast first..just to kill time as I’d do anything to avoid the traffic-not on the road..but in the lrt..for crying out loud!!how could these people stand this every day????that makes me want to own my own private island someday!!haha..even if its only in my dreams..ahaha!!somehow my instinct kept telling me to call farhana on the phone just to tell her that I just saw her..my luck!!!her office was just around the places that I needed to go..she practically brought me to these places..i was so happy for that..i met hida and raina..unplanned reunion…after I got all the things done..i have to wait for about two hours coz asni wanted to have lunch with me..but I had to wait until she’s done with her work at the Malaysian bar…

On Saturday..ati and me went to tim’s wedding..it was a garden wedding..awesome..i met hida,munah,dilla,ema;asma,syitah,pakdi,aja,shue,lily and sasha and sir iqbal too..it felt so good to gather and talk and talk and laugh..like we usually did before..talking for hours..even in a kenduri..hmm..no one could help it I guess..and tim’s photographer kept coming to our table..he took lots and lots of pics…on our way back..after four hours being there..we saw a playground next to where ati parked her car..and we decided to go and play with the swings… it felt so good…just like when we were little kids..

And on Sunday..ati and me went to visit mar,,she just got a baby girl..baby humaira is soooooo adorable..she’s so cute.and I could just spend hours looking at her while holding her in my arms..she’s such a nice baby…no wonder why I dreamt about her last nite..

And on Monday as I stayed all alone by myself, as ati had to go to work..
mourning over my orange boys..Holland had to go home after losing to Portugal..i felt so bad about it..but football is just like life..even heroes have the right to bleed right..but the bottom line is,,they’ve tried their best..and the match statistic proved it all…it doesn’t matter if u win or lose..as long as you fight to the end..that’s what really counts…coz we are all fighters as that what makes a man a MAN..in the evening ili and mimi came over and we had dinner together..another episode of non stop talking and laughing…

hmm..and not to forget..mom kept calling..’’when are u coming back?’’..indeed time is not always on my side right now..there’s still a bunch of close frens I didn’t get to spend my time with..im sori guys!!i wish I could stay longer but I couldn’t…and I promise ill meet u guys the first chance I get yah..coz I love u guys so much..thanx to my choco top-dome buddy-ati and to all my lovely frens!!

[COMMENTARY]
On the BeachbyRonnie D. Lipschutz
Bombs, rockets, and artillery shells don’t always go where you aim them or want them to go. Sometimes, however, where they go may serve a political purpose.
This past Friday, some sort of projectile went astray at a beach in Gaza, killing at eight people—six from one family—out to enjoy a day in the sun. We know who killed them; it is less clear what killed them or why. Some thought the wayward shells might have come from an Israeli gunship offshore or from an aircraft. Israeli military officials explained that the deaths were accidental—“collateral damage”— and that the wayward artillery shells were meant to deter the firing of Qassam rockets into Israel. Official sources regretted harm to any Palestinian civilians. But the damage was done. Eight people were dead and Hamas declared it would resume attacks on Israel. Perhaps this was not an accident.
One irony of this episode is that the Qassam rockets fired by Palestinians into Israel are made locally in workshops, notoriously inaccurate, short range and cause few, if any, casualties or damage. Mostly, they have nuisance value. Israel’s reaction, by contrast, is powerful and deadly. It has produced steady stream of Palestinian casualties, both “militants” in cars and houses and civilians who are merely in the way. Predictably, such killings cause resentment, anger and more rockets, all beyond the control of either President Abbas or the Hamas government. Israel can then argue that violence is all the Palestinians know and there is no one among them with whom to negotiate, even as it ensures, with its repeated attacks, that there will be no Palestinians willing to risk negotiations for fear of assassination.
Such an outcome, we might speculate, is precisely what the new government of Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert seeks. Why? In the recent elections to the Israeli Knesset, competing parties fought over the so-called legacy of former Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, now three months into a coma from which he is unlikely ever to awake. Over the past few years, Sharon decided to pursue the physical separation of Israel and Palestine (what the Israelis call “hitkansut,” or a “coming together”), building a wall between the two—which takes in substantial portions of the West Bank—and orchestrating a unilateral Israeli withdrawal from Gaza. This policy was violently opposed by many members of the Likud Party, to which Sharon had belonged for decades, as renunciation to title to all of the land between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea. In response, Sharon formed a new party, Kadimah, which he hoped could form a new government empowered to continue the process of separation.
No doubt, Sharon and his colleagues were hoping that the Palestinians would fall to fighting among themselves as well as continue to attack Israel, making it all the easier to finalize separation and impose a “final” border as a fait accompli.
Kadimah won the election, although receiving many less votes than predicted and has formed a government in coalition with several other supportive parties. This new government will complete the wall dividing Israel from the Palestinian lands, and will try to move several tens of thousands of West Bank settlers out of their current locations into communities on the Israeli side of the wall. A majority of Jewish Israelis support this plan although, if and when it happens, it is likely to be fairly contentious procedure and even trigger Israeli-on-Israeli violence. Many predicted such clashes during the withdrawal from Gaza, but that turned out to be fairly peaceful. Still, Gaza has never been as important as the West Bank in Zionist ideology and religious belief, and the West Bank settlers have promised to resist with all their ability.
This is where a certain amount of Palestinian violence might serve the interests and goals of the Olmert government. Renewed bombings in Israeli cities will highlight the continued risks of engagement with Palestine as well as the vulnerability of settlers on the wrong side of the wall and the high costs of keeping soldiers out there to protect them. After all, if bombs can be detonated in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, given how well defended they are, imagine how much easier it will be to set off bombs in the West Bank. Just as in Gaza, the pullback will be rationalized as a “security measure,” which will satisfy the Israeli electorate and leave the Palestinians with those few remaining pieces of territory that no one in Israel wants.
Yet, the Sharon solution will hardly put an end to this war or to civilian deaths. In a very real sense, the growing discord among various Palestinian factions is directly attributable to Israeli policy, especially over the past decade. Seeking perfect safety, Israel continually made impossible demands of the Palestinian Authority. Thinking that it would be easier to deal with a splintered enemy than a unified neighbor, Israel thought it could manipulate the Palestinian Authority into an alliance of convenience against Hamas and Jihad. Now, facing the consequences of its cynical strategies, Israel is trying to wash its hands of the mess it did so much to create.
No doubt, the Israelis will find that walls are only walls and that they can be surmounted rather easily. The violence within Palestine will not remain contained but will spill over into Israel. More critically, perhaps, sooner or later the Palestinians will unite in the face of Israel’s cynical exploitation. Then, as real war spreads from the Jordan to the Mediterranean Sea, not only the beach will be a dangerous place for families and others.