^^^Soe Hok Gie’s poem that appeared long after his death in Sinar Harapan daily on 18th of August 1973. The tittle is “Message”

Today again I see
Soft faces yet harsh
Talking about independence
And democracy
And planning
To put an end to the tyrants

I know them
Whose soldiers are none
Willing still to fight dictators
Who is moneyless
Willing still to stop corruptions

My friends
I give you my love
And will you shake hand with me
Always?

im literally and technically speechless today...i guess the question that has been hanging over my head is answered today...people always ask me.."what would you do after your chambering?"..and my answer hasn't yet changed since i know that i owe a duty to humanity and to uphold what is right...and my answer is "i wanna do things that im really into..that is human rights.."..and as day passes by im always scared that one day that dream will be only dreams...

im always scared of falling into conformity of what life is in the perspective of people who just live a daily life and do not include others as one of their concerns...today's seminar on human rights held by the bar committee has really given me a strong conviction to what ive been believing in...im so overwhelmed to be given such a wonderful opportunity to meet these knowledgeable, high spirited human right lawyers who i never fail to follow what they have to say about issues and development relating to human rights...i admire those hard work..all the thoughts poured on papers and articles...and im so glad that ive learned so much from these dedicated people...thanx to mr rajan, mr shan and mr edmund bon for taking your time off and came down here to share the very essence ff humanity with us..it is really an eye opening that we were be able to sit down and discuss the matters which i believe is only for one good cause...

to edmund...thanx for your compliment...i have to admit that, to have such compliment from someone like you, really makes me go mental for a few seconds...it was such an honour and there's nothing much that i would say to you but one thing..."thanx for the inspiration..and for giving me more reasons to stay here, in this struggle and be part of the journey...i dont want to miss the boat...and when you told me that you've been reading my blog..i almost fainted...thanx again..i guess i may need your guidance in helping me through the way...thanx again...seriously...for once in my life..im speechless...i hope that ill be seeing you again in the future because there's a lot of things that id like to share with you and to learn from you...thanx...to all the speakers and to mr darshan, you guys have done a wonderful job today...:)

when i woke up this morning...i felt a little awkward but i had no idea what was it all about...when i was driving to work with the radio on..every one was so into this valentine's day...if you asked me about valentine's day..all that i have to say is i never condone to the whole concept of valentine's day..i guess being in a state of knowing the fact and history, and my conscience that keeps saying something at the back of my head, and to finally resort to what the Religion has to say..i guess i would be fine if finally i'd be separated from the masses because of things that i believe in...

as i was in the middle of finishing my submission suddenly i remember something...i had a terrifying yet a weird dream last nite..i saw myself in a mirror..i was so fat that all i could see was fat all around me..i couldnt even walk straight..phew..no wonder when i woke up from bed i was a little nervous that i couldn't even nick one or two more minutes to continue sleeping instead of getting ready for work...when people are so into this valentine's day..it was ironic to realize that i kept on getting messages from dear frens saying how much they cherish this sacred friendship and how much they love me...time seemed to stop for a while...i was really in the moment..hmmm:)

in the afternoon i went to the legal aid on duty..i had a great talk with the people in the bar committee...somehow i felt that im getting closer to these people who i barely knew when i first started to be in this practice..and somehow i feel like already missing them and i guess its because my pupillage is approaching its end..while i was reading cases..kak ida called me up..she gave me 3 oranges...we were talking and talking while she was preparing invitation cards for kedah perlis judges for this coming bar committee dinner..she kept on insisting me to go..but knowing me, a person who couldnt be bothered to socialize...i kept saying no..but today she kept on asking me to come along...persistently..and finally i said yes..hmm..bbq by the pool side couldnt be that bad huh...and i was telling kak ida..hmm..its good that i can join the dinner..after all ill be finishing my chambering one month away..only God knows when do we meet again..and kak ida was saying.."eh..bunyi cam taknak practice ja..practice la fad.."...hmm:)

i just got back from langkawi this afternoon..on last monday...my master informed me that i have to go to langkawi magistrate's court for oral submission on stay of execution...i dont know what came over me, all that i could remember was, i was jumping joyfully for 3 seconds when i got the news..i love being in an island i just dont know why..i love the beaches, the sea, the feeling..but its kinda ironic that im scared of sunshine..heh...i thought of going one day earlier and stay with my auntie as i didnt have to rush on that very day to get a ferry and go the court on time..but unfortunately my auntie was in the mainland as she got some work here...so i decided to go on that very day earliest possible..but later my master told me that my client wanted me to come one day earlier so that i dont have to rush on that submission day...he told my master that he'd book a hotel and pick me up at the jetty.. and i was ok with that...but my master pointed out something that i never thought about..."are u okay to go all alone by yourself, im worried.."..and i straight away answered.."sure.."...then i was telling myself...why i never have any thoughts of having to do things myself..all alone by myself..then i went back home and asked mak to drop me off at the jetty...she straight away asked me "takkan nak pergi sorang..."and i was like "takpa...im used to it..no big deal.."..and then she was like.."mak ikut lah..sorang2..boleh teman cek.."..and i was like ..'ok..best gak mak ikot"..

when we got in langkawi my client mr shankar and his wife mdm parameswari picked us up and went straight to our hotel..i had the chance to talk to them...they are really really nice people..well mannered and decent people..i felt so comfortable talking to them...very nice people..we discussed on tomorrow's matter..they were so worried that the judge would not allow a stay and proceed with the assessment of damages...i explained to them the grounds that id put to the judge and id try my very best to explain to the judge of the whole situation and everything would be fine...

so that night i could hardly sleep because i was so worried about so many things about the case.."magistrate ni ok ke tak?how do i make him listen to my argument?..how do i make him understand the situation?how do i rebut the other side's lawyer's objection?then i realized that all that i could do is pray that tomorrow will be ok...

one thing about doing cases outstation as a chambering student..i always get this feeling the moment i stepped into the court.."im still a chambering student..and the people there in black blazers are already lawyers with experience..."...the moment my case was called up and i introduced myself.."dengan izin tuan, fadiah,pelatih dalam kamar bagi pihak defendan"..the lawyers started to look at me with the impression "jom tgk budak ni handle macam mana"..i guess its normal for them to think that way...the magistrate was kinda ok..after the plaintiff's lawyers finished his submission i stood up and submitted my grounds one by one on why the court should allow us a stay..and the magistrate was listening attentively and writing the points..and he was like.."ye fadiah, go on.."..ye fadiah...any other grounds you want to submit..."..i was so relived..then the lawyer stood up and objected to my application and stated that no payment has been made by our client to his client..i then stood up and told the court that my client had earlier, on September paid almost 17, 000 to the plaintiff but they refused to accept such payment..and due to that our client deposited the money into the client's account to show that they have made the effort to pay..and they have acted in good faith...then the magistrate looked surprised and looked at the other side's lawyer..

i was just smiling...then he was like "fadiah...so how?"and i replied "saya serahkan kepada budi bicara mahkamah...finally we got another date for pending settlement and we are determined to proceed with a formal application...i was so happy that i had pulled it off today..and what makes me even happier is to see that my client who has been putting so much trust and hope in this are happy of the outcome of that 15 minutes drama in court...they told me how depressed they were before because of inconsiderate attitude of the opponent before the case was brought to the court..and how much they have struggled and tolerated such unacceptable behavior...

and how much i want them to be realived as they really deserve it...sometimes when i get to sit and talk to the clients..it makes me understand about so many things..sincerity..honesty..trust and helping people in need..and the most important thing of all..to be able to help people to defend their right when we are in the position to fight for them..im so happy with this opportunity..with so much trust that my master has in me...i guess all the hard work and temporary brain damage that ive been suffering all this while when dealing with the workload and the obligation really pay..particularly when we realized that we are fighting for someone's right, when we are in the position to stand for what is right...

i got up early this morning..headed to jitra magistrate's court for a hearing..once i got there the interpreter told me the magistrate was on mc...so i have to take a next date for the case..while waiting..the prosecuting officer asked me.."so, about our case..do think you can win this?" and i replied.."it depends on how you prove it..and how much doubt i can raise"..he replied.."so what are u relying on?"..i said.."the defence of alibi of course"..he smiled...and i went on to say that :"you have to prove that my client was there at the time of the commission.."he just smiled...i dont know what came over me this morning that drives me to start questioning on the transparency of police officers conduct in dealing with arrested people..i straight away asked him "..you know that our client claimed that he was slapped by the i.o when he was investigated on this..we have lodged a police report..but up until now..i guess even after numerous reminders..the police are still keeping the result to themselves i guess.."(woah..i wonder where do i get the courage to question such issue of misconduct..i guess ive been so influenced by the articles written by the renowned human right lawyers like edmund bon and amer hamzah..)..he looked at me.."that..you cannot ask me.."..and i just smiled..cynically..