when i was little, my teacher used to tell this famous quote "loving one's country is one of the branches of faith".But it's pretty ironic that i constantly have the intention of running away from this country-finding neverland??(which i'll never do of course)-and the only reason that makes me feel that way is because of the irrationality and idiocy of the Government. as i was driving to work, there was a news on the radio stating that "Bloggers who spread rumours will be imposed with harsh consequences or subject to the ISA".there's nothing much that i could say, 50 years of independence is just a mere saying that's worth going down the drain, as long as there are still individuals who are holding the trust of the people using primitive measure(which they always do) every time they chicken out when (most of the time) they make a major, irreparable screw up with the tax payers money!

17/07/1983

a lovely surprise by my housemates, thanks to far,yati, kak zimah and faj..and to all dear frens for the wishes...:)

Sabah... all that i could think about was its great seafood and beautiful island in the sun..and only God knows why i decided to climb Mount Kinabalu in the first place...even i couldn't wrap my mind around it until now...it was a bittersweet memory..a considerable amount of pain and suffering on the way up which took about 12 hours to the summit, and the 9 hours ouch-ing pain on the way down....with zero training, (other people told me that they had 6 months training before coming) i still couldn't imagine how i did it...many backed out before they even reached the summit...i could hardly feel my leg, my toe nails were numb and they were about to come off, i couldn't digest the word food as i would throw up just thinking of it...ive heard about people going up and down the mountain before..it sounded nothing to me, but now everything has changed...it wasn't nothing..it was something..my friends and i took 8 hours before we reached the 1st camp.it was raining and cold...

we had a rest until 1.00 am and continued our journey to the summit at 2.00 am...it was so dark and all that i had with me was my flash light...it was quiet i could barely hear nothing but the rain....it was getting harder for each step..my gloves were soaking wet and when i looked back, there was no one behind me..i started to freak out and i just kept going..suddenly i heard john, the mountain guide was calling me...what a relief...as i was going further up, there were many people behind me, it was kinda fun to look at the moving light right behind me coming from the flash lights...as i went further up, it was really hard to breathe..i started coughing and vomiting (which was so not cool!!!)..and it was interesting that while i was still throwing up, suddenly someone patted by shoulder and said "it's ok fad, slowly ok.."..then came another person who did the same thing and i couldn't even tell who...the spirit of solidarity among the climbers...cool!!but i couldn't act cool no more, i told john i wanted to back out and i didn't think i could pull this off...he told me i could pull this off and he was gonna be right next to me along the way...seriously, if it wasn't for john, i was pretty sure that i would be headed back to the hostel....i continued until we reached a spot where every one must hold on to a rope and climb up...it was dark and i had no idea what the place looked like.all that i could feel was we were climbing on a vertical line...finally we got to the second check point at 4.00 am...we made it through...if we arrived at the check point by 4.30 am, we wouldn't be allowed to continue climbing to the summit...pretty amazing for amateurs eh?:)...

it was another 2 hours journey to the summit...we were so exhausted that we could hardly make a single step..john literally dragged us up and kept saying we were gonna make it...10 steps at a time..stopped for 5 seconds for a breather..it was 6 am and we could see the sunrise...it was amazing...all the pain seemed to disappear for a moment...it was worth it..and i realized how strong the power of mind could be...every one was so thrilled...

on the way down which took another 7 hours, with my legs were all shivering, all that i could remember saying was "God..why am i doing this..why?????but please help me get down...." (it's either do or i was gonna be stuck there forever)...for me, it was the most miserably painful yet a meaningful experience ive ever had in my entire life...i learned what life is all about...all those bumpy rides, pain and losing hope, determination and spirit, the power of mind..all wrapped up in one...and im so grateful that i eventually pulled it off...someone asked me "would you want to come again?"..i said "im gonna miss this place, but NO thanks">>

"Religion is not about thinking alone...put those thoughts into concrete practice". "Religion makes sense when you practise it"-Karen Armstrong^^^and i couldn't agree more on this.

Heroes always say "we wanna save the world!!"...it's profoundly ambitious...well, every one should be...but somewhere along the line..heroes fall too...and when high ambition starts falling apart, it's gonna be a long fall...heroes still?vacant and ungainly...but the world still needs to be saved..perhaps by some other heroes...

According to Malik b. Anas, Jesus, the son of Mary, peace be upon him, said, “Do not speak much without remembering God, for by doing so, you harden your hearts. Surely a hard heart is distant from God though you are unaware. Do not, like lords, look at the faults of others. Rather, like servants, look at your own faults. In truth, humanity is comprised of only two types, the afflicted and the sound. So show mercy to the afflicted, and praise God for well-being.”-(Muwatta’ of Malik)

it was a great afternoon..i always wanted to be called to the bar before Dato' Sufian, and God granted me that wish.... the preparation was super complicated. it's the tradition, here. we have to organize some kind of kenduri, just like a wedding, but the difference is, there's no bride and bridegroom (obviously!!!). from the invitation card, making courtesy call, inviting the senior lawyers and judges,having an amazing race from one firm to another.it was extremely tiring. again, it's the tradition. but one good thing about keeping to this tradition is, there was always something to think about on our way back after seeing these people, a piece of advise. it might be short and simple, but it meant a lot..in conclusion, life has just begun..and there's a long way to go...

Ignorance

Life has always been an interesting subject. Watching Oprah, a few minutes ago was really awakening. Being a human figure, we subconsciously do have all the answers that life often asks. What makes it hard is being in a state of denial. Like it or not, we all know the answers. What is real in life is relentless. Admitting the truth is the hardest part when our ego leaves no room for some kind of enlightenment. Pointing fingers wouldn’t do much help either.

When Oprah was talking to Mary J. Blige on her breakthrough album that wasn’t just literally a breakthrough, it kinda struck me in the head. To quote what Mary J Blige said: “we are in so much pain when we are ignorant”. Her story of life was nothing but real. She has all the things that every one is dying to have. Popularity, talent, millions of dollars jewelry, priceless couture dress and all the fame in the world. What she meant by being ignorant was, with all the dreams that other people are dying to have, she was struggling with her own self and the environment that she lived in. everything seemed to be a mess that she could barely have control over. Partying and drinking all night long, shooting up on drugs define best the environment that she was tangled up in. She said, there were actually people who told her it was okay to be in a spin. It was okay to be in a mess. And the turning point was the day she met someone who actually told her “you shouldn’t do this, you shouldn’t do that” and that person was her husband. It was an awakening story. It was a life changing experience for her and others who are in deep struggle to find the purpose of life, to cherish the essence of human creation, to appreciate virtuous values in life.

For me, men are best taught through deliberation of what life is all about. To free ourselves from the shadow of ignorance. We look around us. Ask ourselves, is this the kind of life we wanna live in. if the answer is in the affirmative, ask ourselves again, are we truly happy with what we have and believe in at this point of time. And if we have to bid farewell to life tomorrow, can we just leave everything behind without any regrets. Life is too short to feed our ego and waste it away on denials.

Our lives are often masked and defined by the environment we live in. we might end up being freaks or weirdos if we do not condone with the popularly defined social norms, imposed by our environment. We might end up being a social outcast just because we are different. And, at the end of the show, Mary said that she’s lost her friends along her way to find the true meaning of life. And I figure, that’s nothing unusual.

Nothing unusual, nothing strange
Close to nothing at all
The same old scenario, the same old rain
And there's no explosions here
Then something unusual, something strange
Comes from nothing at all
I saw a spaceship fly by your window
Did you see it disappear? ...

Nothing unusual, nothing's changed
Just a little older that's all
You know when you've found it,
There's something I've learned
'Cause you feel it when they take it away..(amie-damien rice)

A draconian truth


bau-bau cafe-the taste of activism


the dinner:)


Gerakan Mansuhkan ISA (GMI) Consultative Meeting
freedom of information campaign

the picnic