Why are we even here?

Sometimes I just couldn't help but feel like the big world is just standing in front of me, waiting to swallow me, and I would just disappear into nothingness.

KL said I shouldn't be feeling this way,I may get burned out."I've seen this happen to my friends", she said.

I understand the worries.How we can't afford to be burned out, being in this lonely struggle.I couldn't imagine what it's gonna be like if this lonely struggle gets lonelier than it already is.

Devastated by what happened yesterday in court, I started questioning "why are we even here?" when people are dying, suffering and all we see is more and more people killing their conscience right before our own eyes, proudly living their lives when in fact they are dead inside.

S said:

"It's an uphill battle, a long struggle. You know what, despite all this, we know we do the right thing, our conscinece is clear, we might lose now, but we can go home with a clear conscience. And who are the real losers? It's them. Their conscience is dead."

Tiramisu.
Photocopy machine.
4 in the morning.
Life and death.
Vicious we have become.
How I wish everything crumbled into dust,to take all the pain away.

Beirut!

KL:What are you guys doing?
Busted!
E:She made me look at these photos!(mountains,food,cedar forest,Roman bath)
Me:Eh,I was concentrating on my work,he forced me to look at these photos.
E:Look what's on her PC?(Map of Middle East)
KL:Mad people!

This is exactly what happened a few weeks ago.Got back from Kudat,found out about via ferrata from KI, succeeded in selling the idea to E in less than 5 minutes.The effect:we just couldn't stop talking about it.

The mantra has now changed.From via ferrata to Beirut!

Of Malaysian politics,aiyoyo and the strongest magisterial bench.

J:You know what,in the UK,for that amount of money,it has to go through Parliament.It's RM250 million, where's the tender?
Us:Ya,true.

The conversation went on,on the sorry state of Malaysian politics,things that happened back then.

J:Did you know,he was an armchair socialist?
Us:Really?What happened?
J:Well,money has this habit of corrupting people.
Us:Ya.
J:I don't know what's gonna happen to this country.There was this one case,where this lawyer was chased out by an officer.He was wearing baju melayu and songkok.The lawyer was representing the client.The case was about a blogger.
KL:Was it MCMC?The multimedia commission?
J:Ya,even the top civil servant complained about the officer's behaviour.
KL:Fadiah was the lawyer.
J:So where did you graduate from?
Me:IIU.
J:IIU or aiyoyo?There was this one time,the student body invited me to speak,the faculty boycotted the event,I asked the student to show me the text books they use for equity,contracts.One student showed me a book,I asked him to give it to me,You know what book that was?A compilation of his lecturer's notes.
Me:Oh my.

The conversation got more and more interesting.

J:There was this one time they wanted to fly all of us there.I think there were two planes.And they couldn't put us all on one plane.Security issues.
KL:Yalah,if the plane crashes the whole judiciary will be wiped out.
J:Ya,all completely wiped out,well,not that it's a loss to this country.

I laughed,it felt like watching British sitcoms,I just love the wittiness!

J:Somebody asked me what do I think of the Federal Court,I said,apart from A&B,it's the strongest magisterial bench.

I laughed so hard.I think if I laughed this hard in front of him when he was still on the bench,I would have been cited for contempt of court!

Interesting conversation indeed,and a lot to ponder.